Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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