I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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