using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
