i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
