Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
