Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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