You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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