Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
