Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
