Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
