I'm drive I can fine osifer
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize