i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
