i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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