my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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