Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
