I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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