I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
