Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
