Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
