P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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