He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My vagina is officially offended.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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