I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
her vagine was all disorganized.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
