Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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