wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
