After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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