yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
