Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Two words: blizzard sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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