This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
