I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
