Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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