Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
