I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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