He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
