Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
