just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
