never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
