I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
