I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
