I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
