You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
