I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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