So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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