You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
