are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize