cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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