Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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