The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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