every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
