Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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