Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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