I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
