textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
