like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize