I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
