we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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