Your face is a jimmy john
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
