Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
