operation harelip BJ is a go
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
