Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
