Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
