At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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