i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
