peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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