did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize