im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
